I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
