atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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