Walk of Shame today included voting.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
