I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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