I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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