What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she looked like the before picture.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
