You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
