dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
