So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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