Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize