somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
