i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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