so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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