You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
