My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
