in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
