she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
In America we eat man semen.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
