she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My ass is underappreciated
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
