wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
