Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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