I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
