Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize