She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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