AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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