I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize