after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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