I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
