You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize