They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
