I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
