it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
