Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Panties = found
Randomize
