i think i have two assholes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
