Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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