yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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