Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
