I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
