So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
