my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
