he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
