Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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