the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just gift wrapped bread.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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