Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize