she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
