I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
