You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
