Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
