i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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