apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
