Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
