she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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