the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
