He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
