I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
