I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
