So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
