I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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