There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize