I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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