my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
