I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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