I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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