He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
