last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
