I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
