I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
