Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize